When I was little, I used to tell people that I wanted to be an orthodontist. At the time, I remember knowing the useful fact that dentists make a lot of money and this was the driving force of my decision. Oddly, I was about five so had no real understanding of the value of money, nor did I have any particular curiosity about teeth. As I got older, my answer to the often asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" changed according to my actual interests. In Grade 10 drama class, we did a round table to share our answers. Although I was a very shy kid with few words at school, I was able to confidently blurt out, "I want to be a professional soccer player," when it came to my turn. The years past and although I never reached my goal to play in the big leagues (or go to the olympics, my trusty back up plan), I put my dreams aside and started working in the safe and secure world of university administration (insert a giant yawn here).
During my time at SFU, I picked up a lot of skills, travelled the world on international development projects and met some friends for life. But I did not feel fulfilled. I started to have this nagging feeling that I'd like to throw it all away and start something new. It was a difficult decision because having those golden handcuffs made it near impossible to leave. Ultimately, after having my first child, I did leave SFU because I was not getting the work life balance I was seeking. I was doing silly things like reporting my purse stolen when it was actually safe inside my desk and wearing my jeans backwards to work and not noticing until the train ride home. My brain cells felt like they were deteriorating and the mom guilt I felt for being away from my son was in full force. I pondered the next steps for some time. I felt a pull to entrepreneurship and yet I felt I had nothing tangible to offer. The next decade was spent trying to figure out who I was apart from my identity as a mother. I had two more children and while I enjoyed spending as much time with them as I could, I also started to forget my own goals and dreams. Every day felt the same and it was a constant groundhog day experience of taking care of kids, tidying the house, running around constantly, making dinner and then collapsing on the couch every evening. Netflix, chocolate and wine became a nightly ritual of escapism and decompression.
I can confidently say that my journey towards becoming a therapist began in the hospital when having my children. I was so impressed by the nurses and the level of care I received. I realized in those experiences that I wanted to be a helper too. I did all of the prerequisites to become a nurse, got accepted into a program and then had the stark realization........if the mere thought of blood sent me into a panic, then perhaps nursing was not the right fit for me. So instead, I declined my seat in the program, had my third child and entered the most challenging time of my life. Three children five and under, post partum anxiety, an aging dog and too many weekly soccer games to count, the day to day schedule became unbearably hectic and mundane all at once. I was slowly crumbling. This is around when I started my own counselling path as I was losing my sense of self. Through therapy and learning about myself in a way I had never done before, I began to notice self destructive patterns and develop insight into my own behaviours. This process became addicting and peaked my interest in becoming a counsellor myself. As someone who has always had a natural listening ear and enjoyed supporting others, I had a bit of a light bulb moment. I finally had found what I wanted to do with my life! Covid hit and there was no better time to apply for a Master's in Counselling Psychology program and get started. Now, three years later, I am happy to report that things have fallen into place. My practicum experience reinforced that this is right career for me and I am more ready to start working with clients in my own private practice. And while I am so excited for the things to come, I still dedicate my evenings to my trusty couch and Netflix, have way too many soccer games on the weekend, struggle with the balance between being a mother and starting a career. I understand the challenges of becoming a parent first hand and this knowledge is what has pushed me to help others in difficult (and rewarding!) life transitions.
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